iPhone to make people look like morons?
Not content with having us wander around seemingly jabbering to ourselves when making a phone call on the iPhone headset, Apple has yet another confused look-provoking feature to share.
Games are coming to the iPhone in June thanks to the recently released SDK (Software Developers Kit). Not just point and click stuff, not just Tetris, games that require shaking, rotating, twisting and flipping. The accelerometer in the iPhone is incredible when you’re looking at pictures or websites and need to quickly rotate the screen and now this impressive technology is being harnessed to make the device the “Wii of handheld gaming”. The iPhone is not a toy, stop it, stop it, stop it!
Picture the scene:
9.45: Hop on the bus, plug in iPhone headphones and listen to the latest iCreate podcast. A couple of suppressed giggles garner some strange looks from other public transport users but nothing to worry about.
9.50: Podcast is getting going but I’m interrupted by a phone call. Click the button on iPhone headphones to receive call. “Hello?” I say, apparently into thin air. Most assume I’m singing along to Lionel Richie.
10.00: Finish chatting away while appearing to still listen to iPod with no discernible telephone anywhere nearby. It was a friend informing me that the new iPhone App store is available with games and really cool third-party apps. I fire up Safari.
10.20: Successfully download Super Monkey Ball for iPhone. It’s a primate in a ball that must be rolled, Marble Madness-style, to the end of the level. The controls? You guessed it - accelerometer.
11.30: Level one completed. Successfully navigated the ape in a ball by tilting the iPhone. Imagine how stupid you look playing tennis on a Nintendo Wii and multiply it by ten. Then imagine doing it in public.
10.35: Game’s getting harder, motions more frantic. Concerned onlookers fear some kind of fit from the guy talking to himself a few minutes before. I bought this iPhone to look cool!
10.40: Bus arrives outside office. Police & Ambulance are waiting. Apparently someone with a “regular” telephone tipped them off.
So what’s next? Default ABBA ringtones? A voice-activated unlock feature that requires you to sing the first four bars of Build Me Up Buttercup? Apple, this is the coolest piece of technology ever to be produced, please don’t reduce it to a plaything. Perhaps that’s why they announced the Microsoft Exchange support for iPhone at the same time, to balance the lightweight, consumer extras with heavy business power tools. Then again, that’s Microsoft technology and when have those guys ever been cool?
Let’s just hope that beyond the games studios, some truly brilliant third-party apps for iPhone are in the works that don’t make us look like morons when using them. Either that or the popularity of the phone will grow by such a degree that swinging your arms and legs about and talking to yourself in public will become the norm.
- Posted on March 7, 2008 at 10:56 am
- 2 Comments
- iPhone






If I ever get kidnapped, bundled into an unmarked van and am forced to wear a bag over my head as I’m driven to an unknown location, I wont need to be James Bond to figure out where I am when I’m finally released. You see, I have an iPhone with the latest firmware installed and it can find my location anywhere in the world by triangulating my co-ordinates (A-la Sayid from Lost) using mobile towers. The wildly over-the-top situation I just envisaged is about the only use for this feature I can think of right now. Sitting in our Bournemouth office I can hit the “Find Me” button in the iPhone maps application and am told I’m somewhere between the promenade about a mile from this building and the Isle of Wight, several miles away out at sea. I’m not. So, all I can glean from my iPhone is the rough location, nearest city and country I’m currently in (if that country has cell phone masts). All geographical facts that I’m pretty sure I could figure out for myself save being blindfolded/unconscious and waking up in foreign climes. US iPhone users have the added benefit of wi-fi hot spots to help narrow down a location (we’re hoping to have the same technology in Europe this year) and, if you’re in a particularly built-up, mast-heavy location, you can obtain slightly more accurate results from your pocket slice of Apple goodness but that’s as good as it gets. Steve Jobs loves to pioneer. I bet he’s already in talks with NASA to use satellites to pinpoint an iPhone user anywhere in the world.
